How to Make Saffron Rice That Five Aunts Would Disapprove Of
Serves 12 3 hours
INGREDIENTS
6 boring guests that arrive two hours late
5 gossiping aunts
Will to cook impressive saffron rice
1 aunt who has scared away 5 bandits
Greet the guests politely even though they are very late and let them know you have the highest grade in every subject at school. Instead of falling asleep when the adults begin to converse, go to the kitchen and try convincing your aunts that you know how to cook saffron rice. Ignore their routine attempts at stopping you from accomplishing such a precious task and make yourself comfortable on the kitchen floor. Irrespective of the result, they will declare you are doing it wrong. Ignore. Eventually, your oldest aunt will argue that: “At least he’s making an effort. Your grandfather never cooked – he only cared about politics. One night when he was away at a secret meeting in Tehran, bandits climbed over the wall, and I pretended to have guests over so they wouldn’t think I was home alone. I put on music, danced, made tea, and served the imaginary guests.” Tell the guests the food is ready.
FUN FACT!
Saffron is more expensive than gold and must be hidden from all types of bandits: strangers, relatives, friends, and lovers. Hide it so well that you can barely find the little box of saffron yourself, and instead have to go through every little nook and cranny in the kitchen when you need it the most.
----
Fig.1
Zereshk Polo Ba Morgh or
How to Cook Saffron Chicken Out of Communist Dreams
Serves 7 3 hours and 5 minutes
INGREDIENTS
1 deceased communist grandfather who lived off of your grandmother’s fortune
The last 2 chickens out of the 40 in your grandfather’s
unintentionally non-profit chicken farm
90 kg of macho culture
1 grandmother who does not let you cook Zereshk Polo
Ba Morgh (Barberry Rice with Saffron Chicken)
Sneak up on your grandmother standing by the kitchen window next to a framed issue of Sedaye Zanjan. Carefully look out through the semi-transparent shutters. Promise her you will not tell anyone that she allows you to watch your cousin chop off the heads of the last chicken in your grandfather’s chicken farm at the back of her garden. Watch them wander headlessly in the yellow grass until they topple over. Laugh confusedly when your grandmother expresses: “Another communist dream died right there.”
Fetch two headless chickens. Sit back on the broken kitchen chair while your grandmother prepares Zereshk Polo Ba Morgh. Try to help but get dismissed. When the food is ready, ask to help her again and get permission to serve the dish under her supervision. Tell your sisters that lunch is in ten minutes; repeat after another five.
FUN FACT!
In the middle of the 20th century, the editor Mohammad Taghi Malekian ran the left-wing newspaper Sedaye Zanjan. One issue includes an interview with revolutionary politician Mohammad Mosaddegh, who worked hard to nationalize the Iranian oil industry.
NOTES…
The Art of Cooking With Communist Dreams
From Garlic to Onion
\\
